


And They Call Me a Freak?

by HenceNothingRemains



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (or accomplice? the lines are getting blurry here), Angst, But he's really trying to be a good friend, Cannon Divergent, Cannon-typical fuck ups, Concussions, Confrontation, Connor decides not to kill himself only to be killed anyway, Connor isn't a bad person, Dealing with Consequences, Evan has a pocket knife, Fist Fights, He just makes bad choices, Hurt No Comfort, Jared Kleinman Freaks the Fuck Out™, Major Character Injury, SO, Stabbing, Violence, WHO GAVE THIS BOY A POCKET KNIFE?!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-01 10:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenceNothingRemains/pseuds/HenceNothingRemains
Summary: Connor Murphy did not kill himself. Evan Hansen is sure of that, no matter how much evidence there is to suggest otherwise. First of all, Connor's body was found in an alley behind the school. Second, he had a suicide note written to "Dear Evan Hansen" in his pocket. Third, there isn't a kid in school brave enough to stab him. But Evan knows something that no one else does:Evan Hansen killed Connor Murphy.





	1. Chapter 1

"What did you do with the letter?"  
"Fuck you."  
"Connor, I want to know where my letter is." Evan did his best to stay calm. It was, however, a very futile effort. He had spent all night last night hyperventilating and praying that everything would be fine at school the next day. But, when he saw that this was true, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. He tracked down Connor Murphy immediately.  
"What letter?"  
"You know what letter."  
"You mean the sex letter you wrote about my sister?"  
Evan's face turned a shade redder than he believed was possible.  
"It _wasn't_ a sex letter, dammit!"  
"Then what was it? Are you _stalking_ my sister?"  
"No, Connor, just give me the letter back and we can--"  
"No can do. Now get out of here."  
"I'm not leaving until you give me my letter." He hadn't checked the time since heading outside, but Evan was pretty sure he was already missing his first class inside. He had resolved to get the letter, and he wouldn't leave without it.  
"Evan, do you know how many people pass by here during school hours?"  
"Is that a threat?"  
"No, it's a question. Answer it."  
"No, Connor, I don't know how many people pass through here. Could you just give me--"  
"One. One teacher comes back here to smoke weed during his break."  
"Why should I care?"  
"Because he wouldn't care. See, Evan, you may have come totally unprepared, but I anticipated that you were gonna come out here and threaten me. We've got another half hour before anyone so much as _thinks_ to step out here."  
"No, Connor, let's just keep this civil, okay?"  
There was a long pause. It looked, to Evan, as though Connor was considering agreeing with Evan. But then, his eyes flickered to the large backpack Evan was still wearing.  
"Th-there's nothing in my backpack, if that's what--"  
"I'll be damned. _You_ came here to hurt _me_."  
"No! It-it's not what it looks like! There's nothing inside my backpack that--"  
"Like I said, Evan. I was prepared, too."  
A fist hurled its way toward Evan's face before he could even process the situation. He winced in pain, but immediately snapped his head back up to watch for the next blow. Connor's face didn't look like Evan expected it to. He didn't seem angry or sadistic, just confused and scared like Evan. But another punch came at him, connecting much more painfully than the first.  
"Stop it!" Evan shouted, his voice shaking as much as he was.  
"You followed me out here to kill me! Why the fuck would I stop?!"  
"I didn't--" Another hit cut Evan off. Another. Another. He lost count of how many punches Connor dealt him by the time he sunk to the ground.  
_Thirty minutes?_ Evan thought, _Hasn't it already been thirty hours?_  
Evan tried to ignore the foot continuously kicking his gut. Unfortunately, the sharp pain he felt only grew in potency, and he felt as though the world was slowly shutting off around him. The only thing still existing in his vision was Connor. Though he was in complete control, the taller boy still looked terrified.  
Evan didn't go outside to hurt Connor, but he was always weary of other people. Naturally, he always carried his pocket knife with him.  
_If I pull it out now, I'll look like I really did want to kill him._  
The foot swung faster and kicked Evan harder. So hard that he began rolling across the concrete ground, several feet away from Connor.  
"Connor, please..." Evan choked out, taking his backpack off of his shoulders. "I really didn't want to hurt you, just please believe me... please..." Evan, glanced up at Connor, whose expression became very apologetic, but instantly snapped back to afraid when Evan pulled his blade out of his backpack's front pocket.  
"Holy shit."  
"Now, leave, Connor... Go back inside."  
"You might have a knife, but you're not going to scare me."  
"Connor, I don't want to... I don't want to hurt you..."  
"You lied to me." Connor closed the distance between the two boys, ramming his foot against Evan's stomach again. While he was still gasping for air, Connor shoved his foot into Evan's face, knocking him backward. Evan's head hit the concrete as his vision grew even dimmer, so he could barely even see Connor.  
He swung blindly with his knife until he felt it connect to something. He twisted the knife as Connor screamed. Evan didn't stop until he saw the boy drop to the ground beside him.  
"Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, please, Evan, please don't--"  
The sickening feeling of driving his knife into Connor's chest made Evan want to throw up. Connor's eyes widened and he coughed a little. He reached up to touch the knife that was still stuck inside of him, pulling it out slowly.  
"Evan... I wasn't gonna kill you..." His voice came out as a whisper. "...and they call _me_ a freak...?"  
Evan expected Connor to shut his eyes or something, but they stayed open. That's when Evan realized what he'd done. He broke down sobbing over the still-warm body of Connor Murphy, who was fucking _dead_. He stayed there for who knows how long, crying and shaking and leaning over Connor, but he suddenly remembered what Connor told him-- that someone would step out and find them soon. Drying his eyes, his vision still darkening, Evan grabbed the pocket knife and ran as far away as he possibly could, not stopping until he was completely and totally lost.


	2. Chapter 2

The sudden _beep beep_ of Evan's phone made him jump in surprise. He was currently sitting on a bench in a park, waiting for the police to find him and drag his sorry ass to prison. Before he could do much as reach for his phone, another _beep beep_ vibrated inside his pocket. Then, as he was pulling out his phone, there was yet another _beep beep_. Hands shaking, Evan read the messages.

Mom: Evan, where are you? You haven't answered any of my calls. I'm worried.

Mom: Nobody knows where you are. Jared said you weren't at school.

Jare: why is ur mom calling me?! where r u evan

Another message appeared on Evan's lock screen.

Mom: Evan, are you alright?

Another _beep beep_.

Jare: ev you are in serious trouble just answer me

Another _beep beep_.

Mom: ANSWER ME EVAN

Then, two messages appeared simultaneously, _beep beep beep beeping_ in Evan's hands. His hands were definitely sweating at this point.

Jare: that kid connor died. evan.

Mom: I'm calling the police.

Evan's mind raced with possible answers, but he was shaking so much that he couldn't even type a response to either of the people messaging him. Then, after a minute of silence, another _beep beep_ came through.

Jare: please don't be dead

The text hit Evan like a truck. He realized that, possibly, nobody knew it was him. Which shouldn't have even been possible, he thought, because it was so goddamn obvious that it was him. Before he could even think, he had dialed his mother's phone number. After just two rings, she answered.  
"Oh my god, Evan, are you okay?! Why didn't you answer my calls?"  
"Mom, I uh... I'm sorry I didn't pick up."  
He heard her quietly crying on the other side. Evan was glad he didn't have to see her yet. His face was bruised a bluish black color in various spots, and he hadn't thought of an excuse for that yet.  
"Where are you?"  
"I'm, uh, I'm... at Jared's." He replied, that being his default answer for any sort of lie. Only after it came out of his mouth did he remember that she'd already asked Jared where Evan was.  
"You're where?!"  
"I mean--"  
"I knew that-- that-- he was lying when I called! What's going on? Are you being held against your will?!"  
"No, Mom, I'm okay, I swear. I'll be home in fifteen minutes, okay?"  
"Okay, and then we need to have a serious talk about answering your phone."  
"Bye."  
Evan immediately hung up on his mother. His house was a fifteen minute drive from Jared's. How was he going to get from the middle of nowhere to his house in that time?  
The first thing he had to do, he concluded, was text Jared to let him know that Heidi thought Evan was with him.

Evan Hansen: Jared

Three dots signaled that Jared was typing back. They stayed there for a solid three minutes, and Evan had just started shoving his phone back in his pocket when he felt a _beep beep_ in his right hand. He instantly opened the message.

Jare: you're a dick  
Evan Hansen: But I'm alive Jared  
Jare: you are a complete and total dick  
Evan Hansen: We have a problem  
Jare: no shit sherlock  
Evan Hansen: You don't even know what it is yet  
Jare: u disappeared from school the same day as connor fucking murphy died  
Jare: ur gonna wish u had died too  
Jare: bc everyone's gonna think u did it now  
Evan Hansen: Okay that too. But our biggest problem is that I told my mom I was with you  
Jare: you wHAT  
Evan Hansen: I said I was at your house after school by accident  
Jare: well then where the fuck were you  
Evan Hansen: Idk  
Jare: do u know where u are now  
Evan Hansen: Nope  
Jare: i'm coming to get u  
Evan Hansen: No  
Jare: yes  
Jare: now tell me what street ur on  
Evan Hansen: Hallmark  
Jare: hallmark? where tf is that  
Evan Hansen: I said I don't know  
Jare: i'll look it up

Another few unbearably slow moments passed in between Jared's last message and his next one.

Jare: wtf man that's a twenty minute drive from my place  
Evan Hansen: Oh  
Jare: oh?!?!?!!!??!??  
Jare: fuck it. i'm on my way  
Evan Hansen: Please and thank you just don't get mad okay  
Jare: too late

Evan paced back and forth for about ten minutes before he heard his phone ringing. The caller ID read "Mom."  
"Shit..." Evan mumbled, hitting the green answer button.  
" _Mark Evan Hansen_! Where the hell are you?!" Her voice shouted from the other end. Evan knew he was in trouble, because that was the only occasion in which she would use his full name. She hated it, so it was reserved for the worst possible moments of both of their lives.  
"I said fifteen minutes, Mom."  
"It's been twenty three minutes, Evan!"  
"There's traffic."  
"You better tell Jared to put his pedal to the metal. I don't know how much longer I can put up with these excuses."  
"Sure thing, Mom. See you soon."  
"I hope. Love you--"  
Before Heidi could even finish her sentence, Evan had hung up on her again. He was terrified of what she would think when she saw him and Jared arrive, possibly more than forty five minutes later.  
After another five minutes, Evan's phone rang again. This time, it was Jared calling him. He answered quickly.  
"What part of this road are you on, Evan?"  
"Oh. Hi. I'm at this park, it's called Hallmark Park."  
"Creative name."  
Evan laughed, despite the sudden pain it caused his upper abdomen. He looked down in confusion.  
"Okay, I'm putting it into Google Maps. I'll be there in a minute, okay?"  
"Yeah."  
Just as promised, Jared's car pulled up to Evan in a minute. When Evan opened the door, Jared's usual carefree grin turned into shock. Evan took a moment to process this, but when he did, he quickly got in the car and shut the door behind him.  
"You..."  
"Jared, I--"  
"Fuck."  
"I can explain."  
"What the fuck, Evan." Jared asked quietly, but it came out sounding more like a statement than a question. Evan noticed the steady ascending pace of Jared's chest moving up, down, up, down, up, down at an alarmingly fast rate.  
"Jared, please listen to me." Evan could tell that Jared was doing everything but listening to him. Jared's eyes were mainly focused on Evan's bruised face, but would occasionally dart down to the bloodstained clothing he was wearing, or to Evan's hand which was shakily reaching out to grasp Jared's. He pulled it away instinctively.  
"You killed him."  
"Jared, I--"  
"What the fuck. _What_ the _fuck_."  
"Would you please stop saying that?"  
"What am I supposed to say? Congratulations?!" Jared shouted, slamming his fits into the steering wheel. "What the fuck, Evan?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He said frantically, staring wide-eyed at his friend.  
"Just take me home."  
"What? You think I'm going to cover for you? This isn't a game, Evan."  
"Listen to me, Jared. You're going to shut your big damn mouth and drive me home and we're both going to pretend that this didn't happen. Because I'm just as scared as you are right now, and I don't know how the fuck I'm going to live like I didn't do it, let alone live with myself."  
Jared still looked paralyzed with fear, but he silently put the gear in drive, not so much as glancing at Evan until he had parked in Heidi's driveway. Every time Evan inhaled or exhaled, he felt a burning feeling stab at his torso.  
"Jared, look at me." Evan pleaded, reaching out to try to hold his hand again. This time, he succeeded, and Jared turned his pale face toward Evan's darkened one. "I'm sorry." Evan searched Jared's face for an acknowledgement that he heard anything, but he still appeared to be waiting for something. "What?" Evan asked. "What do you want?"  
After a moment of hearing nothing but heavy breathing from both sides, and much contemplation on Jared's part, he responded. "This is usually the part where I wake up from my nightmares."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading this chapter. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to add onto this story when I had the idea for chapter one. But the place it left off felt more like the final scene of a movie that set up the next film, and I couldn't resist...
> 
> I am having so much fun brainstorming character dynamics and plot points to carry this story to a more satisfying ending. I hope you'll keep reading to see where this is going-- you will not be disappointed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed the start of this series as much as I enjoyed writing it. The next part will be out in less than a week, so make sure to check back often! I would love to hear your comments and questions! 
> 
> Until next time...


End file.
